my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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