If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
