i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
