the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Everything about him screamed your future.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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