i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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