He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
