Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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