Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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