Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
