I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
