More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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