You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
