I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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