Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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