Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
