hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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