i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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