the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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