I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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