what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
