Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
