His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
