I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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