Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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