I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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