He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
