a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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