What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
