i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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