Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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