I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
