how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
