the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
