I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
