...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
