oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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