Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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