im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She even gives head with a lisp.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
