Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
