I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
