Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
