Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
