Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
