JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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