So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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