She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
In America we eat man semen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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