capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
