I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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