maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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