i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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