i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
