Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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