How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to calm my uterus...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
