Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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